At 62, I finally got my husband out of that awful old baseball cap
At 62, I finally got my husband out of that awful old baseball cap
Six things the Alfred gets right that every other cap in his drawer got wrong, from a wife who has been buying him hats for forty years.
Caroline Richards · Customer · Nottinghamshire · 5 min read
Let me be plain about who is talking, because it is not the man in the photograph. I am Caroline, I am 62, I live in Nottinghamshire, and that is my husband Derek, who is 68 and would never in a hundred years write a letter about a hat. So I am doing it for him.
The cap he has on is called the Alfred, from Nottingham Boutique, a small boutique that has been quietly dressing the two of us for a few years now. I bought it as a present. When the boutique later asked if they could put my letter up for other women to read, I said yes, on the condition that I could be completely honest in it, including about the cap it replaced.
How it happens
Every wife reading this knows the cap I mean. Somewhere around 2012 Derek was handed a navy baseball cap for free, and it became his cap. The garden, the tip, the paper, the car boot sale, a walk round the reservoir. Twelve years later the peak had gone soft and frayed, the colour had gone the grey of an old dishcloth, and he was still wearing it out of the house as though nothing had happened.
The old one. I have kept it, as evidence.
And I tried. Every birthday and every Christmas I tried. Over forty years I have bought that man more hats than I can count, and every one of them ended up on the top shelf of the wardrobe while the baseball cap went out of the door on his head.
What I had wrong
I thought it was him being stubborn. It was not. I went back through that top shelf last month and it was perfectly obvious what had been going on. Everything I had ever bought him made him look one of two ages.
There was the heavy tweed flat cap, exactly like the one his father wore, which he took one look at in the hall mirror and said, "I look eighty." And there was everything else in the shops for men, the sports caps and the logos, which on a man of 68 look like he has borrowed his grandson's. Too old or too young, with nothing in between, so he did the sensible thing and kept the one he already had.
He was never refusing a new cap. He was refusing to look either eighty or twelve.
What he needed was the cap in between. A flat cap, so it looks grown up, but a soft, faded, easy one that looks like something a man chose for himself rather than something he was given at Christmas. That is what the Alfred is.
The day it came. I did not wait for his birthday.
IT IS A FLAT CAP, BUT IT IS NOT HIS FATHER'S
This is the whole thing, and everything else is a bonus. It has the shape of a proper flat cap, low and neat with a short peak that sits close under the front, so it looks grown up and it looks like it belongs with a jumper and a good coat. But it is made in a soft washed cotton rather than heavy tweed, with a gently faded finish that is a little lighter along the seams. So it looks easy and relaxed rather than dressed up for a shoot. The first thing our son said was, "Dad, that actually suits you." Nobody has said that about a hat on Derek in my memory.
In the garden on Sunday. He did not know I was taking this.
Finally a flat cap that does not make my husband look like his grandad. He wears it everywhere.
Pauline H., ArnoldTHERE IS NO SIZE TO GET WRONG
If you have ever stood in a shop holding a man's hat and trying to picture the size of his head, you will understand why this matters so much. At the back there is a little denim strap across a notch, with a chunky brass buckle that presses shut onto a brass stud, so it tightens or loosens to fit. It is one size, and you set it on the day. I did not have to measure him in his sleep, and I did not have to keep the receipt in case. When you are buying a present for somebody else, that is the single thing that makes it easy.
Pull the strap through the buckle at the back. Thirty seconds and it was his size.
I was worried about the size but the strap at the back sorted it straight away. Fits him perfectly.
Sandra M., BeestonIT FEELS WORN IN FROM THE FIRST DAY
Men do not like new things. Derek likes a jumper once it has gone through the wash forty times, and he likes a cap once it has lost its stiffness. The Alfred arrives soft. The cotton has already been washed, so it has that faded, lived in look and feel from the box, and there is no stiff new stage for him to complain about first. I think that is half the reason he gave it a chance.
Soft straight out of the packet. Feels like I have had it for years, which is exactly what I wanted.
Graham W., HucknallIT IS COMFORTABLE ALL DAY
There is a soft fabric band all the way round the inside, where it sits on the forehead, so there is no hard edge pressing on him after an hour. He wore it for the whole of a Saturday at the car boot sale and then forgot it was on his head at teatime, which I am told is the highest compliment a man can give a hat.
He had it on all day in the garden and never once took it off to rub his head, which he did with every other hat.
Margaret L., CarltonIT GOES WITH EVERYTHING HE ALREADY OWNS
I bought the denim blue, because it goes with his navy jumper, his old waxed jacket and his one good coat, which is about the sum total of Derek's wardrobe. It comes in tobacco brown, beige, olive, a coal black and a deep rosewood red as well. None of them shout. They all look like colours a man would choose himself, which matters, because a man will not wear anything he thinks somebody else picked for him.
Bought the brown for my husband and then the blue for my dad. They both wear them to the pub.
Julie R., West BridgfordHE PUTS IT ON WITHOUT BEING ASKED
This is the one that told me I had finally got it right. A man will say "very nice, love" about anything you give him. What matters is what he picks up on his way out of the door. For a week I watched. And every single morning, without a word from me, he took the Alfred off the peg by the back door and the baseball cap stayed where it was. Then he asked me whether they did it in the brown as well, to keep in the car. Derek has not asked me for anything in about fifteen years.
Where it lives now. The old one has not moved since.
My wife bought me this and I have not worn anything else since. Bought a second one myself.
Keith B., MansfieldThe Alfred, against the caps on his top shelf before
There were six of them up there, plus the one he actually wore. Here is the difference, laid out plainly.
Heavy tweed that made him look eighty
Sports caps that made him look twelve
A guess at the size, and usually wrong
Stiff and new, so he never broke them in
On the top shelf by New Year
A proper flat cap, in soft washed cotton
Looks like a man of 68 chose it himself
Adjustable strap, so there is no size to get wrong
Soft and worn in from the first day
Off the peg every morning without being asked
About the price
The Alfred is £27.95. It was £56.00.
I will pass on what the boutique told me, which is that the autumn sale is on and it will not stay at that price once it is over. Their words, not mine. What I can tell you from my side is that I have spent a great deal more than that over the years on hats that went straight onto the top shelf, which is the comparison I would actually make.
And I do not trust perfect scores, so I read the reviews before I ordered. Just over three hundred of them, sitting at 4.2 stars, which sounded like real people rather than robots, so I read on. Half of them are wives like me who bought it as a present, and the other half are the men, which I found rather touching.
The second one, in the car. His idea, not mine.
What I would tell you if we were friends
If you and I were sat in my kitchen with a cup of tea and you asked me, this is what I would say. Go and look at the cap your husband actually wears out of the door. If it is faded, frayed and older than your grandchildren, he is not being difficult. He has simply never been given one that did not make him look either eighty or twelve.
Forty years of buying him hats, and it turns out I only ever needed to buy him the right one.
The mornings have already turned, so he will get the use of it straight away rather than it waiting in a drawer for his birthday. Put it on the peg by the door and see what happens.
Caroline
ALFRED | Washed Cotton Flat Cap
- A classic low flat cap with a short stitched peak
- Soft washed cotton with a gently faded finish
- Adjustable strap with a brass buckle at the back
- One size, so there is no size to get wrong
- Soft fabric band inside for all day comfort
- Denim blue, tobacco brown, beige, olive, coal black or rosewood red
- Free UK delivery and 30 day returns
The autumn sale is on now, half price. A lovely present, no size to guess.